The State Of The Union Is Worse Than We Thought

The following phrase was actually said during the President's State Of The Union this evening:

...human-animal hybrids...

I'm glad Bush is tackling these pressing issues, but something tells me he may just be watching a bit too much of the Sci-Fi Channel.

Absolute Nought

I was tempted for a while to keep this blog only about musicial encounters, but some people are just asking for it. So brings us to the case of our latest attack.

It's one thing to blog about the mundane aspects of your life, but, damn, how fucking mundane can you get. Here is a simple list of but a few things no one cares about:

• How your life is like a Talking Heads song.
• How you managed to get up a whole seven minutes before your alarm clock went off.
• Your hard-on for Mega Man 2.

Actually, I'm going to interupt this list for a moment, as there's a large problem here. I is not the only word in English that requires capitalization. You just aren't that important, I'm sorry. It's one thing if you are one of those lazy-ass fucks who don't capitalize ANYTHING, but it's a whole other where you feel the need to capitalize the most ego-oriented word and NOTHING else. Do us all a favor on our eyes; there are grammar rules for a reason. Go back to high school.

Sorry, ahem...

I will, however, recomend the entry from Wednesday, January 25, 2006, where he talks about holding back his "lady friend's" (his choice of words not mine) hair while she pukes into waste basket. For closure on this, be sure to check out the Saturday, January 28, 2006, entry. Remember, it's sweet to hold someone's hair back while puking, if you have a lame ass blog where you whine about being all "emo" (again, his choice of words), maybe, just maybe, you should expect emo things to happen to you.

http://absolutenought.blogspot.com/

It's Time To Party With Andrew W.K....At A Pizza Place???

For those of you that don't know, Two Boots is a pizza place as well as a movie theatre...which makes this all the more amazing:

Rocker Andrew W.K. in person at the Pioneer Theater February 3 + 4 with new film ANDREW W.K.: WHO KNOWS?

Detroit rock impresario Andrew W.K. burst onto the music scene in 2000 with the EPs Girls Own Juice and Party Til You Puke, shooting to stardom with his signature hard-rockin’ pop metal and a trailer-punk image. Soon he was signed to a major label and opening for the Foo Fighters, determined to reach new levels of raw excitement, pure energy, and complete confusion. A.W.K. enthralled audiences across the globe, and his followup releases, Party Hard and I Get Wet, cemented his reputation as "the king of party music." This new film, ANDREW W.K.: WHO KNOWS? documents his first four years and includes narration by Andrew W.K. himself, who will appear in person at both shows!

(dir. M. Manrike, 75 mins, 2006)

Showtimes: Friday, Feb 3 @ 11pm, Saturday, Feb 4 @ 11pm

The press release originally said Feb 2 and 3rd, but it also said Friday and Saturday...on the Two Boots website, it looks like it's the 3rd and 4th. Two Boots is located at: 155 East 3rd Street (between Avenues A and B) , New York, NY

Let The Bitchfest Begin

I'm convinced over a long enough timespan every writer will fall into the "I'm right and you're wrong" syndrome. I have fallen into this trap long before my first post went up on this blog; fortunately I am dramaticly aware of the irony of the fact that I am calling people wrong while my own tastes are, at best, questionable.

I was reading Tom's blog the other day, and he brought up many irrelevant points about awards shows, but he also brought up a few good ones. We can assume he just may be ignorant of the situation between the The New Pantheon Music Prize and the Shortlist Music Prize. It is a carbon copy because it's SUPPOSED to be a carbon copy, created by many of the same people.

I find it interesting that people like Tom are so critical of the Grammys and yet so accepting of the Oscars (though if I recall, we were both pretty upset when Bjork was snubbed for Best Actress in Dancer In the Dark). It's a phenomenon that no one remembers the Oscars fucking up (go through a list and REALLY look at how many films you've seen), but people seem to remember the Grammys. So, on the note of positivity, I would like to say I am very happy that Beck has won a Grammy. (Oh, yeah, and "Weird" Al can say he is a multi-Grammy award winner.)

I could go on here (and I could start another paragraph with the word "I"), but I think the most telling comes from this little bit: My roommate Andrew Parks and Riff Raff are both Plug Advisory Board members; no one asked me so fuck people. Wow, first he rant about how this awards are bullshit and noone cares about them, then his TRUE feelings come out. Basicly, he's a crybaby. When he asks, "Who really gives a fuck?" His answer should be, "I DO!!!" Yeah, I'm sure the Plug Awards want some whiney asshole on their nominating board, who self-admits he really doesn't even understand the rules anyway. Seriously, think about it.

Like Shooting Fish In A Fucking Barrel

I'm finally taking the time to turn this blog into exactly what I want it to be; the opportunity to poke fun at other online blogs (aka crap). Now, first and foremost is www.pitchforkmedia.com. Now, many refer to this as simply "Pitchfork," but let's try to type that as our URL and we get something a little different.

How relevant is www.pitchforkmedia.com anymore? It seems to lose indie clout by the day, and it seems everytime I turn around, someone else is poking fun at this once prominant website. In fact, as I was telling someone I was going to take a few pokes at the indie-site today, I was laughed at, "Well, that's like shooting fish in a fucking barrel." So be it. Let us not forget, www.pitchforkmedia.com is like the ultimate blog, so it's a good starting point.

www.Pitchforkmedia.com decided to review the Morningwood record today, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. First off, I'm not here to defend Morningwood (though for disclosure's sake, I will state that Chantel did hit on me via The Onion Personals back in 2003). I didn't particularly like this record, I thought it sucked a lot of the fun out the Morningwood that I remembered after seeing them live--also back in 2003 (the fun later seemed sucked out of their live show too this past summer at Sirenfest). However, this www.pitchforkmedia.com review falls not so much under the category of review, as it does "Hey, I'm an indie snob who feels like being a jackass."

It always seems that when www.pitchforkmedia.com is looking for something clever to say, they end up just sounding mean and ignorant. "The reality is, cutting a decent record takes more than a kooky stageshow and an insatiable urge to embarrass yourself." It also takes more than a douchebag with a keyboard and an internet connection to make a publication (and, yes, that IS intended to sound justa s mean and ignorant). Rock's history is FILLED with "handclaps, call-and-response vocals, and dumb cheerleader cadences." I guess too much Sufjan Stevens and Fiery Furnaces up your ass makes you forget that some music is just silly.

Perhaps www.pitchforkmedia.com is trying to avoid what happened to Roger Ebert and Little Nicky, where he said, "This is horrible, but the sad thing is it just may be the best film Adam Sandler ever made" (Movie trailers shortened it to, "Roger Ebert says, '...The best film Adam Sandler ever made'"). By making sure every single line is completely snarky and insulting, sure it may be tired to read, but at least you will avoid any possible part of your review being misrepresented.