Like Shooting Fish In A Fucking Barrel

I'm finally taking the time to turn this blog into exactly what I want it to be; the opportunity to poke fun at other online blogs (aka crap). Now, first and foremost is www.pitchforkmedia.com. Now, many refer to this as simply "Pitchfork," but let's try to type that as our URL and we get something a little different.

How relevant is www.pitchforkmedia.com anymore? It seems to lose indie clout by the day, and it seems everytime I turn around, someone else is poking fun at this once prominant website. In fact, as I was telling someone I was going to take a few pokes at the indie-site today, I was laughed at, "Well, that's like shooting fish in a fucking barrel." So be it. Let us not forget, www.pitchforkmedia.com is like the ultimate blog, so it's a good starting point.

www.Pitchforkmedia.com decided to review the Morningwood record today, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. First off, I'm not here to defend Morningwood (though for disclosure's sake, I will state that Chantel did hit on me via The Onion Personals back in 2003). I didn't particularly like this record, I thought it sucked a lot of the fun out the Morningwood that I remembered after seeing them live--also back in 2003 (the fun later seemed sucked out of their live show too this past summer at Sirenfest). However, this www.pitchforkmedia.com review falls not so much under the category of review, as it does "Hey, I'm an indie snob who feels like being a jackass."

It always seems that when www.pitchforkmedia.com is looking for something clever to say, they end up just sounding mean and ignorant. "The reality is, cutting a decent record takes more than a kooky stageshow and an insatiable urge to embarrass yourself." It also takes more than a douchebag with a keyboard and an internet connection to make a publication (and, yes, that IS intended to sound justa s mean and ignorant). Rock's history is FILLED with "handclaps, call-and-response vocals, and dumb cheerleader cadences." I guess too much Sufjan Stevens and Fiery Furnaces up your ass makes you forget that some music is just silly.

Perhaps www.pitchforkmedia.com is trying to avoid what happened to Roger Ebert and Little Nicky, where he said, "This is horrible, but the sad thing is it just may be the best film Adam Sandler ever made" (Movie trailers shortened it to, "Roger Ebert says, '...The best film Adam Sandler ever made'"). By making sure every single line is completely snarky and insulting, sure it may be tired to read, but at least you will avoid any possible part of your review being misrepresented.